It Can't Be
by Alarni
Summary: What if the Volturri got to Edward before Bella and Alice? What if Edward was killed and never coming back? What would Bella do when the love of her life is gone forever? who would she turn to? Who would hold her together? Will she ever find love again?
1. This can't be happening!

It Can't Be

**Set after Bella and Alice go after Edward in **_**New Moon **_**only there's a twist; Bella and Alice didn't make it in time. They got there to late and Edward had already been killed.**

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**Bella's POV**

Alice and I walked off the plane and into the airport. I could see Carlisle, Esme and Jasper waiting for us. As soon as I saw them new tears welled up in my eye and rolled over. I'd had all night to wrap my head around the fact that Edward wasn't coming back, that we'd been too late. I don't think that I had fully accepted that fact yet though. How could it be possible? Edward couldn't be gone, he just couldn't! He was my true love_,_ my soul mate, my true other half. The sides of the hole in my chest tore and the absolute agony that I'd been repressing for so long engulfed me. I fell to the ground and landed on my knees. I put my head in my hands and started sobbing, I could barely stop myself enough to draw in a breath. Alice sank beside me too and I could faintly make out the sharp intake of breath from Esme. They knew, it would have been obvious when we entered without Edward, but seeing me collapse simply would have verified it.

I looked up threw my tears and saw Esme clutching at Carlisle, she would have been crying too if she could. Jasper walked slowly over to us and picked up Alice, holding her close. All I wished was that Edward was here so that I could embrace him too.

At that moment I saw Emmett and Rosalie enter the airport and take in our state. Rosalie's face was filled with pain and rage. I wasn't sure whether she was angry at herself for telling Edward of my jumping off a cliff or if she was angry at me for not getting there in time.

Instead of hugging Rosalie like I'd expected Emmett to, he ran over to me and pulled me into one of his vice grip hugs. I simply stood there, letting him support me, and cried and cried and cried.

"He's gone," I sobbed, "he's really, rea… really gone."

"Shh, it's okay, it's going to be okay." Emmett replied in my ear.

How could he say that? How was it going to be okay? I felt like hitting him for even thinking that it could _ever_ be okay _ever_ again!

"Okay?! Okay! How will it ever be o… okay?!" I wailed, fresh tears replacing the old ones.

A new set of arms took me then and Emmett stepped back to Rosalie, letting her dry sob on his shoulder. I looked up to see whose arms I was in, and was shocked to see that Jasper was holding. He was using his extra ability to calm me a bit, but he was so grief stricken that it wasn't fully working.

"What will I do now?" I mumbled against his chest. He didn't seem to care about the smell of my blood in this moment; he pressed his lips down to my hair and whispered "You continue to live." And he hugged me tighter, nearly crushing my bones, but I didn't care in the slightest. He was holding me together, like the way I'd thought Jacob had been keeping me in one piece, but only better; I felt peaceful if not at all happy in this moment, I felt that I could stay right there in Jaspers arms forever. Like I would survive this.

**Comment me please!!! This is my first fanfiction so please be nice, and I am sorry that it's so short.**

**Comment! Please!**


	2. Devistation

**I do have the **_**Twilight **_**books at home so I will try to keep this as truthful and to the characters as possible.**

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**Jasper's POV**

Bella and Alice walked into the airport alone. Just the two of them. No Edward. None of us wanting to believe what we were all thinking and feeling; Esme was anxious to see her son, Carlisle was just as anxious and full of longing to see Edwards face once again, I was the same as them, Alice was devastated and Bella was in hysterics.

She was crying as she walked toward us, denial and anguish plaguing her. At that moment she stopped and dropped to her knees and started sobbing loudly. What Esme had feared had been proven; she would never see her favorite son again. She drew in a sharp breath and turned to Carlisle who stared ahead blankly as she clutched onto his shoulders.

I rained in my emotions and tried not to be overwhelmed by everybody else's and walked slowly to Alice who had also sunken to the ground as well. I gripped her shoulders and pulled her into my arms.

Emmett and Rose walked through the doors to the airport in that second; wondering what was taking us so long. I didn't see what they did as my back was to them, but I knew that they were totally shocked at our gathering. Esme still clutching handfuls of Carlisle's shirt, Alice dry sobbing into my shirt, and Bella on the ground, her tears streaming down her face and falling to the floor.

I saw Emmett run over to Bella and embrace her in much the same way as I had to Alice. He hugged her tightly, supporting most of her weight by the looks of it, as she stained his brand new button-up light blue shirt with her tears.

"He's gone," I heard her sob against his chest. "He's really, rea… really gone."

Emmett took her words like a whip, that fact hadn't been confirmed for him yet, and it was a lot for him to handle. Emmett and Edward had always been the closest out of the three of us; to him, it was like losing his true, blood brother.

"Shh, it's okay, it's going to be okay." He whispered to her.

This made her angry. She felt like hitting him for saying those words. She felt that it would never, ever be okay again.

"Okay?! Okay! How will it ever be o… okay?!" She yelled at him. New tears were forming and dripping down her beautiful face. I didn't like the look of her right now. She was already in hysterics; I didn't want her to lose it even more so I let go of confused Alice and replaced myself with Emmett who gave her to me without a fight. He couldn't deal with her at the moment; it wasn't in his nature to be very sympathetic. He was the one in the family who was always cracking jokes and making people laugh, including himself, sad moments were not exactly his forte.

Bella looked up at me to confirm who I was, she was a trifle shocked when she did notice that it was me. I used my ability to try to calm her, though I was so shocked and in grief myself that it didn't work as well as I'd hoped. She laid her head against my chest and muttered "what will I do now?" to me.

I didn't care that she smelt so appealing right now, I didn't even give it a second thought, I just bent my head down and pressed my lips to her hair and whispered "You continue to live."

I pulled her tighter against me. She seemed to calm down as I'd intended her too, though no tin the way that I'd meant. She felt comfortable, safe even, in my arms, she wanted to stay there, she felt peaceful there. I didn't like this, I'd never wanted Bella to become comfortable around me, I was the most dangerous of all of us and she smelt just so good. This couldn't be good.

She also felt exhausted; I picked her up in my arms and carried her out of the air port and to the car with my family trailing extremely slowly behind me. I put Bella in the back seat of Carlisle's Mercedes and got in the front. Alice slipped into the other front seat and Emmett climbed in next to Bella and cradled her in his lap. He felt so bad. Rosalie was his wife, therefore, he felt partly responsible for this situation. He wished he could go back and stop her from making that ridiculous call that started all this.

I started the car and we sped of towards home.


	3. Embarrasment

**People, please remember that this is my first fanfiction, so please be nice.**

**By the way, I hope that all of you liked the first two chapters. Here's the third, I hope you enjoy this too.**

**Bella's POV**

I must have fallen asleep; because the last thing I remembered was Jasper placing me in the back seat of the Mercedes and Emmett cradling me in his lap.

I sat up way to fast and the world began to spin, I ended up back down on the pillow, dizzy and confused. I didn't exactly know where I was. I knew that I wasn't at my house—this room was definitely not mine; the walls were a nice creamy white, and the bed was huge, not to mention the wall sized window to my left—so I must have been at the Cullen's mansion, but the part I was confused about was where in that house. I didn't recognize this room, although I was sure that I'd seen almost every room in the place.

Just then jasper entered through the doors carrying a pile of clothes. He walked to the end of the bed and placed them there for me. I eyed them suspiciously but didn't need to worry too much. Jasper had placed down a pair of dark, denim jeans, and a light blue button-up blouse.

"There you go, I didn't think that you would want Alice to pick out your clothes for you today, so I went to your place and got these for you. Though I don't think that Alice is quite in the mood for dressing you up today." He said, his voice growing quieter towards the end.

I cleared my throat and whispered "thanks," to him while I got up out of the king-sized bed and walked towards Jasper's and Alice's bathroom—I recognized where I was now so I knew where everything was. I looked down at my self as I got out and realized that I was still wearing my clothes from yesterday, my shirt still had the darker circles on it from where my tears had fallen.

I tried to steady myself when I got up, I must have been sleeping for hours because I was extremely groggy. I swayed to one side and nearly fell over. In fact, I would have fallen if a pair of cold, strong, stone hands hadn't caught me by the shoulders and placed me up straight again. I stared up at Jasper; he was so beautiful,—not as beautiful as his brother had been, but still beautiful none the less—his eyes were a light, golden butterscotch today, and he wore a plain white t-shirt with a pair of light blue, loose fitting jeans. His honey blonde hair was hanging in his face as he bent his head don to look at me.

"Don't get angry at _me _when I say this, but… it _is _going to be okay. Maybe not for a while, I mean, I can only imagine what I'd be going through if I lost Alice, but _eventually, _it will be okay." He muttered to me.

Yes he was right, not about the being okay part,—I would never be truly okay— but about how he could only _imagine _what it would be like losing Alice, his soul mate, he could only _imagine _the pain and anguish of that, me on the other hand… I had to live it! It was so hard! Knowing that Edward had killed himself for me. Because he'd thought that I was dead, so he'd killed himself to be with me. If I were any type of a person I would have chucked a Juliet and killed myself so that I could be with the one I loved in another life for eternity. But I was not that type of person, I would not throw away my life, give up my existence to be with my other half, and that meant that I didn't deserve to live! I was a monster! I should have drowned when I'd jumped of that stupid cliff!

Jasper sharp gasp brought me back from my reverie, I looked up at his face and I was shocked to see that it his exquisite features were twisted with pain and anger.

"Don't you _ever _think or feel that way again! Do you hear me?! You're not monster Bella. James was a monster, the vampires out there who kill and don't give it a second thought are monsters, you… you are not a monster." He almost yelled at me. His denial only mad me more sure of that fact.

"Yes, I am Jasper. And Edward thought that he was a monster," I flinched as I said his name, "he thought that he didn't have a soul, but look at what he did for me! He was willing to destroy himself to be with me because he thought that I was gone, and now look at me! I'm not even giving that a second thought. I didn't deserve him, I don't deserver this family and I don't deserve you!" I cried, the tears running down my face again.

He walked the few steps closer to me that he needed to and wrapped his arms around me like at the airport and cradled me there.

"It's okay Bella, well actually, it's not. It's not okay, but you need to calm down. Please try and remember; Edward wouldn't have wanted you to fell this way, he wouldn't have wanted you to do this to yourself. Think of Edward." He was whispering in my ear by the end of it. He kept his face there; resting his cheek against mine. I could feel my tears run down my face and fall onto his.

I sniffed and pushed away from him, he didn't struggle and released me as soon as I moved my arms. I picked up the clothes and said to him "I should probably go and have a shower now. Thanks Jasper." He simply nodded and walked out of the room.

The shower was good, it helped relax me and unknot my muscles. I stayed in for about half an hour and finally decided to not waist anymore water and got out.

I got out and stepped onto the tiled floor and dried myself. I put my underwear on when I remembered that I'd left my brush and toothbrush and toothpaste out in my bag that I'd seen in the bedroom on my way into the bathroom. I walked out in my white underwear and bra, taking my dirty clothes with me, and into the massive bedroom. I threw the clothes on the bed and retrieved my toiletries and went back to get finished.

I had only just re-entered the bathroom when there was a quiet tap on the door. "Bella, you 'kay?" It was Jasper's voice coming from the other side of the door, I simply replied "mm-hmm," and continued to gather the clothes yet to be put on from the floor. I spun around and nearly slipped on the wet floor when I heard the door being opened. Jasper stuck his head in and was about to say something when I actually did lose me balance and slipped.

Out of nowhere Jasper was there, clutching me around the waist and under my legs, stopping me just inches away from floor. I could feel my blush appear as I realized that I was still only in my underwear, which must have only made the close proximity harder for Jasper.

I looked up at him from under my eyelashes and his face was shocked, amused and something else which I didn't recognize. He was looking me up and down which only made my blush deepen in color.

"Er, Jasper, could you maybe come back I when I'm fully dressed?" I asked.

He immediately put my down slowly on the cold tiles and stepped towards the door; his back to me. "Of course, sorry." He said, looking over his shoulder back at me. He opened the door and walked out, stealing one last glance at me before closing it.


	4. What is wrong with me!

**Hey guys, I hope that you're enjoying this story, I'm terribly sorry that I haven't got to the good parts yet but isn't the suspense of a story just as good as the part where they get together?**

**Anyways, make sure that you review my story because otherwise I don't know weather you like it or not and if you think I should change anything. Remember, I'm writing this for you guys. So please review and again, I hope you like it.**

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**Bella's POV**

I walked down the stairs—fully dressed—and into the kitchen. I thought that everyone was out hunting, that's what I'd been told so when I felt eyes on my back and I turned around to see who it was and my eyes connected with Jasper's I was a trifle shocked; usually he was never left alone with me in the same room, in the same house. He was looking at me with the oddest expression on is face; something crossed between pity, excitement, anger and something else.

As I looked at him all the anger and pity washed clear of his features and he smiled a wicked smile at me. "I'm glad to see that you managed to dress yourself, I as beginning to believe that Alice picked out your clothes for you and got you in them every morning. I didn't exactly want to have to help you with that too." He chuckled.

"I don't have a choose in the mornings with what I wear and whether Alice dresses me or not. I have no chance of winning an argument or a fight against her. Besides, even if I did need your help, it's not like you haven't seen me in less than jeans and a top." I countered. He chuckled again and got up and walked over to me.

"True." He said. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me into the kitchen and sat me down at the table. My pulse, or my blood, didn't seem to bother him anymore. I wondered why that was. "What's for breakfast?" I asked when he opened the fridge. Obviously not searching for food for himself. He looked at me and his golden eyes locked mine for a short moment.

"Whatever you want." He replied. He stood back up and closed the fridge door and came over to the table and sat at the chair closest to me, angling it toward mine. I stared at him. He was so beautiful. His golden eyes melted and glistened as I watched him. He was wearing cutoff jeans and a black t-shirt with some type of logo which I couldn't read on the front of it. It was a tight fitting shirt and it revealed his perfect chest. I tor my eyes away from his body and they became locked in his eyes again. He was just sitting there; staring at me. He shifted his head and his messy, honey blonde hair fell in his face, I wasn't having that. I reached out to him and brushed it away, out of his eyes. I started to pull y hand back but he took hold of it and the other one that was resting on my leg and just held them in his. I blushed a deep red and looked down at our hands and then back up at him, my eyes questioning.

"Bella," he started, "are you alright, truthfully, are you okay? I mean, of course you're not alright, you just lost —"

I cut him off. "Jasper, I'm fine, seriously, I always knew that it wasn't meant to be, it's horrible that Edward had to die because I was such a stupid fool, but, it's getting better. Just like you said it would. In fact, and I don't whether it's because you're manipulating my emotions, or whether it's just because _you're _here, I feel a bit happy sometimes, also knowing that I still have Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Rose, Alice and… you."

He raised one of is hands and stroked the back o it against my cheek, making me lush even redder. "You're sure? It's not hard for you to be here?" He whispered.

I simply shook my head and said "not with you here." He exhaled a massive gust of air; I only just realized that he'd been holding his breath. A relieved expression crossed his face and I laughed. "Does that fact make you feel a bit better?" I teased him.

He smiled at me and said "More than you can imagine." He got up and walked back to the fridge and brought out eggs and grabbed the cutter and some bread. He was no mind reader but he could still feel my emotions and my stomach must have been screaming for food. As if in answer to that thought my stomach growled, making my blush and laugh again. Jasper joined in with the laughing, only his laugh sounded like bells when mine couldn't. It wasn't fair.

As soon as the food was done and set front of me by Jasper I threw it down, not caring if it was hot or not.

As soon as I was done I remembered that I had work today and told Jasper. He offered to give me a lift, seeing as though my car was still at Charlie's and I agreed. He got up and raced up the staircase to get the keys to the Mercedes, which was parked directly out the front—probably in order to avoid me seeing the Volvo, which I was grateful for—at a speed that made him a blur. He was back in front of me before I had even gotten up out of my chair. He grabbed my right hand and pulled me up, it was obvious that he was in a rush for some reason, and led me out the door.

He opened the car door for me just like a gentleman would and closed it as well. My door shut and his opened almost simultaneously, and the keys were in the ignition and we were reaching the serpentine drive way in less time then I would have thought possible, even for a vampire.

It was a bit scary and also exhilarating being in the car with Jasper. We were so close that our hands were nearly touching and I wanted so much to close the distance and take his hand in mine. He did exactly that. He looked at me—taking his eyes off the road while we were going over a hundred miles per hour, which scared me a little— and grabbed my hand, rubbing little circles on the side of it.

"Stupid, empath vampire." I muttered to myself and he laughed. I couldn't help but smile; he laugh was the most beautiful sound in the world, I used to think that Edwards was, I had never really heard Jasper laugh before. In fact, Jasper and I had never really spent that much time together and alone before. I loved it.

His stone hand was cold and strong, and it seemed to fit perfectly inside my hand.

What was I _thinking! _Edward was just _killed _and I'm thinking like that. I internally kicked myself. Jasper had a wife! Alice! My best friend and I was thinking like that. Ahh! I disgusted myself.

Jasper felt the change in my mood and looked at me with confused eyes.

_Even better! _I thought. _I'm just a genius to be thinking and feeling these things around Jasper!_


	5. Conflict

**Hey guys, sorry that I haven't updated this story in a while, I've been in Queensland for the past 4 days. Hehe. So, without further a due… here's chapter 5. I do hope that you enjoy it.**

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**Jasper's POV**

Bella and I were sitting in the car and everything was perfect. I had just taken her hand and started rubbing circles on the side of it and Bella felt extremely happy… then, all of a sudden, she was filled with rage and conflict.

I looked over at her wondering if I had anything to do with it.

_Did I do something wrong? Am I then one she's mad at? What happened to her being happy? _A million anxious and worried thoughts filled my mind but I couldn't voice any of them. All I could do was look at her, and when she saw that I was looking at her with confused eyes it only made her even madder. From what I could tell, I wasn't the one she was mad at. She was revolted by herself? Why?

She jerked her head away from me to stare out of the window so that I couldn't see her hurt me more than I would let her ever know; the fact that she felt that she had to hide her feelings from me even though she knew it was useless. As I saw a single tear fall down her cheek I understood her actions. She didn't want me to see her cry.

I couldn't let this go on. For one, her emotions were torturing me, and two, I couldn't just sit here and watch her rip herself up inside. I slowed the car gradually and veered it off the road and onto a little dirt section next to the trees.

Bella looked up at me confused; wondering why we were stopping, but I just raised my eyebrows; waiting for an explanation to her sudden change in mood. She sighed and opened the car door and jumped out and started waling along the road. I wasn't sure whether she wanted me to tag along or not but I didn't give her a choice. I opened me door and jumped out too.

It was just starting to sprinkle as I stepped out and steam was coming out of Bella's mouth as she exhaled. I walked up behind her and grabbed her arm and spun her around. For some reason her sent or the warmth of her touch wasn't painful or hard to bare anymore, it was actually pleasant. The fragrance of her blood was so sweet and delicious and mouthwatering, and yet, just the thought of draining this small, innocent girl of her life crushed me inside.

She didn't resist. She turned around and faced me, her eyes boring into mine and it felt as though she would be able to se straight to my soul if I had one.

"Bella, please," I pleaded; I needed to know how to help her. "Tell me what's wrong. Tell me what I can do to help you." She just looked at me. Her face was full of conflict and pain. She was obviously deciding what she wanted from me.

"Screw work," she finally said, "can you just take me home?" her face was blank of any emotion and her eyes seemed to darken.

My head cocked to the side in confusion and curiosity, but I agreed, despite my gut feeling that something bad was going to happen.

She walked back to the car and slid back into her seat. I followed—slowly for me—and climbed in too. It was a quiet ride home; Bella refused to talk and she was still battling her self inside and every time I went to say something she would just give me a look that said, very clearly, 'DON'T.'

I parked the car out the front of her house and sat until she looked at me. When she finally did her eyes were decided and the usual, beautiful, melted chocolate that was usually in them seemed hardened.

"Bella, I can feel your emotions, but I don't know the reasons behind them unless you tell me. What's wrong? What can I do to help?"

She looked me up and down and bit her lip and the controversy began again inside her. She slowly opened the door and stepped out into the now pouring rain but after the door was closed she made no move for the shelter.

I got out and walked over to her and grabbed the tops of her arms. She wasn't going anywhere until she told me what was wrong.

"Tell me." I demanded. "Please Bella, you're killing me here, what can I do to stop the war that's going on inside you?"

As she replied her face was pained and worried. "I think the only way to stop that is if you go and don't come back."

My heart sunk. I didn't realize how much I actually cared for Bella until that very second when she spoke those words. I loved her. I had fallen in love with my dead brothers' love. And even worse than that, how did Alice fit into this equation? My head was spinning with questions but no answers. But right now, the one thing that I was concentrated on was the fact that I loved Bella and she had just told me to go away and never come back.

I felt my face fall and my hands slid from her shoulders. I hung my head and felt as though I might fall to my knees. "Oh," was all I could manage until I gained control over myself again. I was still looking down at the ground when I said "If that's what you want."

I was just about to turn around and get into the car when Bella put her hand under my chin and lifted it so that I was looking at her. "Jasper, I said that the only way to stop the battle going on inside is if you left. I never said that I wanted you to leave. I don't want you to go ever. Jasper, I know that it's crazy, but, I think that I'm in love with you." Her eyes sparkled as she said those words and she bit her lip again.

Without thinking about it for a second, I grabbed her face in my hands—just managing to be gentle enough—and pushed my mouth down onto hers.

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**Oooooooooooooooooooooo, what will happen next? You'll just have to wait and see.**

**I hope you guys enjoyed it. I know that most of you have been waiting for that to happen, I hope that I wrote it the right way and didn't screw it up. Don't forget to let me know what you think about this story, I always need encouragement and support and please don't forget to tell me if you don't like how I'm doing something or if I'm over doing anything. I'm writing this for you guys, so let me know.**

**I really hope you enjoyed it. xox.**


	6. Crap

**Hey guys, soz about the last chapter being so short, I'll try and make this one longer. I hope you all liked the last one, but honestly I'm not sure that you did 'cause I got barely any reviews for it. So be sure to tell me what you think. Okay? Anyways, here's chapter six. Enjoy.**

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**Bella's POV**

"Jasper, I said that the only way to stop the battle going on inside is if you left. I never said that I wanted you to leave. I don't want you to go ever. Jasper, I know that it's crazy, but, I think that I'm in love with you." I felt horrible for betraying Edward but I couldn't help hoping that Jasper felt the same way. He'd seemed pretty crushed when I'd said that he should go and never come back, but I was still worrying that he would respond by being disgusted in me because his brother had loved me, left me for me, and died for me, and I was admitting that I now loved_ him_. I expected him to say something like: "what the fuck Bella? The person that you claimed to love just killed himself to be with you in another life and you're saying that you're in love with me? I have a wife! Alice! Your best friend! I absolutely do not love you!" But he completely took me off guard when he wrapped his arms around my waist and pushed his lips against mine.

My lips molded to his perfectly. As if they were made for them. Even though I knew that they should have been as hard as glass and as cold as ice, they seemed to be just as soft and warm as my own. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him deeper. I had totally forgotten about the rain and the fact that I was totally drenched. And my earlier thoughts.

Jasper turned us around and pushed me up against the car, making us impossibly closer to one another. My hands were in his honey blonde hair and only when his lips moved from mine down to my throat I remembered that out of all the Cullens' he was probably the most likely to bite into my skin and drink my blood. I only just remembered that Jasper was _married _to my _best friend_ Alice! And I only just remembered that it had been less than a week since Edward had died.

Feeling the change in my mood Jasper pulled away and looked my straight in the eyes. It felt as though he could see straight to my soul.

"Bella?" He asked, sounding a little anxious. If I were him I would be too; my moods had been changing so frequently that it was hard for _me _to keep track of the reasons behind them.

"It's too soon, Jasper," I whispered, looking down. "It's too soon."

He understood what I was talking about immediately. He let go of me and backed away. Right away. I looked up at him and his face was torn. He was obviously thinking about the same things that I had been.

He inclined his head to the door and said "you'd better get inside and dry off before you catch a cold." I did as he said. I needed time by myself to think through what had just happened and how I felt about it. I trudged up to the door and was about to open it before Jasper grabbed me one more time and pulled me into an embrace. It didn't last nearly long enough, but it was probably better that way. Seconds later, Jasper was in his car; watching me until I got inside, then I heard the engine roar to life and when I turned around he was gone.

I walked slowly up the stairs and into my room. I grabbed my toiletry bag and walked back out and into the bathroom and turned on the shower. I stripped out of my wet clothes—which was difficult because they were sticking to me—and got into the shower.

The hot water burnt my skin until my body warmed up to the temperature of it and it slowly started to unknot my tense muscles.

**Jasper's POV**

The minute she was in the house I pulled out of the drive-way at a speed that should have sent me skidding across the wet pavement. What the hell had just happened? I couldn't wrap my head around the way Bella's lips had felt against mine. How her neck had felt under my lips. Then I realized something. I hadn't had even the smallest urge to sink my teeth into her soft, tender neck and my lips were right where her jugular was. I couldn't believe it. How the fuck had I been able to resist the urge to drink her blood. I pictured the scene; me standing there, kissing her neck and then all of a sudden my mouth opening wide, my lips curling back, revealing my teeth, and sinking them down into her flesh. I cringed away from the image and pushed the thought out of my mind. My entire being shied away from the thought of killing Bella.

These types of thoughts stayed with me the entire drive home. That is until I actually got home. Then they switched over completely. From Bella, to her best friend; Alice. My wife. _Oh god. Alice can see the future you fool! _I mentally yelled at myself. _Ohhhhh, you're in for it now Jasper! _

I parked the car out the front of the house, just by the porch; incase I needed a quick getaway. Although running would be faster. _Shall we rephrase? _I asked myself. _Incase me and _Bella _need a quick getaway._

I walked up the steps to the house to be blasted in the face by waves of rage and frustration.

_Crap!_

I slowly opened the door and saw Alice eyeing down Emmett very intensely, but as soon as I entered the room she turned her glare on my for a fraction of a second before bolting up the stairs so fast that she even became a blur for _my _eyes.

Wide eyed, I turned to look at Emmett who was already staring at me. But I was shocked by the expression on his face. It wasn't rage and anger and all those bad emotions that I couldn't put words to. His face and his emotions were telling me something else.

Something was wrong.

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**Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Cliff hanger!!! Look, I'm sorry, I know that I do this to you guys all the time but it's just so much fun. Tehe. **

**What is Alice so angry and frustrated at? Hmmmmm? Well, you'll just have to wait until chapter 7 for that little pickle to be solved. Lol.**

**To everyone who's already read this, i am so sorry, i accidently put Edwards name in instead of Emmetts. i am so sorry! it must have confused you heaps. sorry!!!**

**Love you guys.**

**Alarni. Xox.**


	7. Beyond words

**Hey, sorry lovely readers that I haven't updated in sooooooooo long, I've been busy with school stuff and yer, I wont bore you with it. :D**

**Anyways, I'm also sorry about the last chapter being so short and that I left you hanging with that cliffy for so long.**

**So to ease your building curiosity here's the next chapter. **

**Jasper's POV**

"Where have you been?!" Emmett whispered very urgently to me, though we both knew that everyone in the house would be bale to hear him. I stared blankly at him, I had expected him to hit me or scream at me for kissing Bella, but seeing as though he seemed oblivious to that fact I decided to tell half truths.

"I was with Bella, I took her to work but half way there she told me she didn't want to go anymore so I had to turn around and take her home. Why?" I asked innocently.

Emmett rolled his eyes at me. Did he know I was lying?

"No, I knew you were with Bella, you're always with her now, hey, why is that?" He asked, but quickly waved his hands in front of himself, dismissing his own question. "What I meant was: 'where were you, because you haven't been answering your phone.' Alice has been chucking fits for about 30 minutes now! You gotta help me dude. I can't handle this." Emmett walked over to the couch and sunk down into it, hanging his head over the back of it.

"What's she so upset about? She seemed fine this morning." I asked, curiosity getting the better of me. I walked over to Emmett and sat on the arm rest of the chair.

"Yeah, she was fine this morning, that's until she tried to see where some grizzlies were for me to hunt and couldn't see anything. She says she can see small patches of things but she can't see the big picture," he pulled his head forward and looked at me, "she's really frustrated, please go talk to her, for all our sakes."

I got up hesitantly and started walking towards the stairs, very slowly. I looked over my shoulder and said "thanks, Em," and was about to continue walking when Emmett saw the hesitance on my face and said "oh yes man, be afraid, be very afraid." That just made what I had to do worse. I had to go up stairs and comfort my wife who had no idea that I was in love with Bella and that I kissed her, and would expect me to still love her and most likely kiss her too.

This was going to be awkward.

I reached the top of the stairs on the second level of the house and was met by Alice standing in the hall. Anger, frustration, anxiety, sadness, and a lot more emotions were playing on her face and inside her; sad and angry emotions. I couldn't help imagine her face if I were to tell her what had happened between me and Bella and quickly shook my head in an attempt to rid myself of the thought along with a shudder.

I walked up to her and hesitantly pulled her into my arms. She simply stood there for a few moments before holding me back, burying her face in my chest. I put my hand on the small of her back and rested my check on the top of her hair—not the hardest thing to do considering her height—and we simply just stood there.

She seemed to calm down a little in my embrace, which made me feel extremely guilty. How could I do this to her? My wife? Poor, little defenseless—well, not so defenseless—Alice, who had always been there for me, who had showed me this life and taught me how to be happy, how?

She looked up at me, straight into my eyes, I prayed they didn't show the guilt that I was feeling in them, and whispered "I love you Jasper," and placed her head back on my chest.

I was right… this was very much as awkward as I'd imagined it to be. Probably more so.

**Bella's POV**

After I got out of the shower and dried off—after staying in there for almost an hour—I wrapped the towel around me and walked into my extremely small bedroom. The how water had finally managed to relax me a bit, but as soon as the water was off and I was out the tension and confusion engulfed me once again.

I hung my head back and groaned. This whole situation was so fucked up! I knew that Jasper knew this as well, but the knowledge didn't fix anything, just made it worse.

The saying: "What they don't know can't hurt them" is extremely overrated. It's the choice that _you_ have to make on whether to decide to hurt them or not. Things associated with that saying usually just means more trouble for you. Sometimes it's better to just get it out there and over with, sometimes, it does no good at all. And sometimes… it just makes your head hurt trying to decide.

Like now.

I sat down on my bed, still with only the towel on, and just sat. Time seemed to stop as I stared at my wall. Nothing ran through my mind. Absolutely nothing. I just sat, stared and breathed, that was the extent of my function.

By the time I finally snapped out of my trance it could have been either seconds, minutes or hours that I was motionless, and when I stood up to finally get dressed my cramped legs told me that it hadn't been either of the first two.

I stumbled over to my small closet and pulled out a dry pair of dark flare jeans and a white singlet. I pulled on some underwear and had just got my jeans on when I heard a noise at my window. My heart immediately flew, that was the way Edward had use to get into my room, but then the memory that he was dead registered and my heart broke once again.

I looked up and over to my window and sitting on the edge of it was jasper. He wasn't staring at my face, he was looking at my body, I remembered that I had only a bra and jeans on and I had an odd moment of déjà vu, thinking back to the bathroom incident. _Had that only been this morning? _I asked myself. I pulled myself back to the present and clicked my fingers to get his attention back to my face.

He looked up at me with lust, confusion and that other emotion that I couldn't place before, but now it hit me, Edward use to have it in his eyes too when he looked at me.

_Love. _

**I no, I no, it's so short, but hey, at least I aint giving you a cliffhanger this time. Lol. But I still want you to continue to read.**

**Again, sorry that I haven't updated in so long and that this is barely anything, but stuff is hectic. I do promise to find time… no, to **_**make **_**time to write this for you guys.**

**Anyways, thanks for all the encouragement, especially you **_**Swiss Miss, **_**without you guys, there's no reason to write.**

**I love all of you. Ilyy. **

**-****Alarni****. xx.**


	8. So Close

**Hey guys, I know that I haven't been writing in a while, but you see, I do have good excuses… well first there's homework, assignments etc. Oh joy. :D then there is that fact that my gay step-father kinda guy—who happens to be a police officer—went and enforced the law on my and got me banned from the computer. Grrrr. So I do have good reasons. And I know that the last chapter really sucked so I will try to make this one better. Who knows, maybe I'll throw in a cliffy at the end to keep you all on the edges of your seats. Tehe.**

**Anyways, here's the next chapter, I do hope you like it. **

* * *

**Jasper's POV**

I felt horrible. No scratch that, worse than horrible. Alice had absolutely no idea about the incident with me and Bella. God, I knew what guilt felt like, I did have to live with a bit of it considering my life style, but this was literally painful.

When I couldn't stand being there with Alice, looking at her and having her stair back at me with those trustful eyes I knew I had to get out of there. So that's what I did. She must have been extremely confused. They all must have been. Because I ran out of that house the quickest I ever had before.

I would think up an excuse for my actions later. Maybe blame it on grief? Grief. Grief over Edwards' death. My loving brother who I didn't always get along with but still loved, and how was I paying my respects to him, by moving in on his girl. If it were possible, I would have punched myself straight in the nose—not that it would hurt—just for the sake of it. Doing the thing that everybody should be doing to me.

I soon found myself standing on the front lawn of Bella's house. How the fuck had I ended up there? It was getting dark, even though it was only 5 o'clock, but the black rain clouds that were obscuring the sinking sun darkened everything. The forest behind me seemed somewhat menacing now, unlike every before. It was like they were against me, shunning me and pushing me away like I so rightfully deserved.

Up in Bella's room I heard movement, a soft, slow shuffling of footsteps that could only be hers. Even from down on the grass I could smell the tantalizing, mouthwatering fragrance of her blood that I somehow didn't feel the urge to drink anymore. I think Edward had once said that it was 'mind over matter' that the sheer thought of hurting her drove away the thought of ever feeding from her straight out of his head. How odd that this should happen to me.

I quickly and silently scaled the wall leading to the window of her bedroom and slid open the glass. As I sat down my foot hit the wall and her spirits leaped for one split second before plummeting again. Right, this is Edwards' way of getting into her bedroom.

She turned to face me, but I wasn't looking at her face, I was looking at her body. She wore a pair of dark flare jeans and no top. Instead she was only wearing a black frilly bra—no doubt given to her by Alice— and I could see her flat stomach and hips very well indeed.

She clicked her fingers to get my attention away from her body and to her face. I looked up with; I'm sure, absolute lust in my eyes. God, why did she have to be so damn irresistible, it was hell dealing with all the guilt that I already had, I didn't need the extra amount that I was going to get after I did what I was so sure I was about to do.

**Bella's POV**

I stood there under, trapped under the intensity of the look in his eyes. The confusion quickly faded and now there was pure lust. GOD! How would I ever forgive myself for what I was about to do?

I took a step toward Jasper and then another and another until I was about five steps away from him. I didn't need to take another step because he was in front of me within half a second.

He slowly put his hands on my waist and pulled me up against his body. Slowly, extremely slowly, the type of slow that has you holding your breath in suspense, he ran the fingers of his right hand up along me back going all the way up to the back of my neck and wresting his hand there.

I hadn't even realized I was holding my breath until he said in a soft, sweet and yet also very seductive voice, "Bella, breathe," but he barely gave me a chance because I'd sucked in nearly half a gasp before his mouth met mine and our lips were moving in synchronization in much the same way they had this afternoon.

He turned me around and laid me on my bed with him on top, but he managed to hold his weight of me so he was practically hovering above me. Edward had always been so careful, always so frightened. I knew Jasper wasn't like that. I wrapped my arms and his neck and pulled him to me and his body moldered to mine once again.

I grabbed the bottom of his shirt and pulled it off, revealing his absolutely perfect chest. His lips travelled down to my throat like earlier and a shiver ran down my spine—and it had nothing to do with the temperature of his skin on mine, or the fact that his teeth were now grazing under my ear. If Jasper were Edward he would have backed off straight away, thankfully, Jasper wasn't him and he could also feel my emotions and he kept going.

I put my hands in his hair and pulled his face back to mine and he obliged willingly. He was now toying with the buttons on my jeans. Teasing me and also running his hands along my stomach and waist making me shiver with pleasure again.

He'd just undone the top button of my pants when we both heard the front door open and slam closed. We both stopped kissing and looked towards my bedroom door.

The person started up the stairs and yelled out my name.

Shit!

* * *

**I know, I know, I'm horrible. Again, another short chapter (sorry about that) and a cliffy!**

**Well I have to do something to keep you guys reading don't I? Especially considering the **_**lack of **_**reviews and crap that I got for my last chapter. I no it wasn't great, but guys, I need to hear that from you! Not from my best friend Chelsea who reads everything I write and usual gives me the hard truth. Even though I like the truth I'd also like different opinions! So, please, please, please review!!!**

**Love you all. xx.**

**-Alarni. xx. **


	9. Thoughts

**Heyy guys, I hope that you all liked the last chapter. Again, I know, I know, soooooooooo short, but I can't help that, I right down what comes to mind at the time and stop when I think it's a good place. In other words, I guess you could say that I go with the flow, and that's what I'm doing now, I have absolutely no idea where this story is going, which makes it as much a mystery for me as it is for you. I guess in some ways that's a good thing.**

**Anyways, without more delay, here's chapter 9. **

* * *

**Bella's POV**

_He'd just undone the top button of my pants when we both heard the front door open and slam closed. We both stopped kissing and looked towards my bedroom door._

_The person started up the stairs and yelled out my name._

_Shit!_

Jasper had the button of my jeans done up in less than a second and his shirt back on. Unfortunately for me, I hadn't had a shirt on that had been taken off, thus, not one to _put back on_.

I looked desperately at Jasper, who, very uncharacteristically, was standing motionless and looking very confused about what to do. I knew that he had to get the hell out of my bedroom before he was caught, otherwise we'd both be in a very awkward and embarrassing situation.

He looked me straight in the eyes, no doubt feeling what I felt, and dashed over to me kissed my cheek, told me he'd be back soon enough and vanished out the window just as my bedroom door was swung open and the person who had entered my house unexpected and uninvited stepped in.

**Jasper's POV**

After I dashed out of Bella's room as quickly as possible I ran into the forest to listen and watch. Again, the forest felt menacing and ominous, strange that I should feel threatened by trees and grass and shrubs. I nearly laughed at myself for this strange unwelcome feeling. I knew it was in my head, a reaction from my guilt, but still, I couldn't shake it. I didn't like it.

From inside the house I could feel Bella's emotions loud and strong. I could pick up on her more easily now, like how the more Edward use to hear someone's 'voice' the further away they could be and he could still hear them.

I had to stop thinking and comparing myself to Edward.

Bella's feeling made me edgy. Shock. Confusion. Slight anger. Sadness. Guilt. More sadness. Extreme sadness. Then finally, she settled for anger. I felt the almost overwhelming urge to go in there and comfort and calm her down, but I knew that would be a bad idea, especially because of who was with her. For now, all I could do was wait. Sit here and wait. Boring and extremely difficult.

I sat down and leant against one of the Sitka spruces and thought. I thought about Edward, about what he'd given up when he'd asked to be killed, his family, his friends, his life, his everything. Then as I thought about that last one, I realized that he couldn't have given up his everything, because he'd already lost it. He'd lost Bella; she was his everything. The reason for his being. I remembered him saying to her once before "you are my life now." He'd said it to her the day after the night that he'd stayed at her house; he'd said it to her after she'd told him she loved him. He'd had nothing to give up when he'd gone to Italy. Nothing to loose. Or so he'd thought. Still, he'd been willing to leave this world in the hopes of being able to be with her in another, and even if there was no other world for us, he'd rather be dead—_dead, _dead— forever then be without her. That was real love.

I thought about how I felt about Bella. I was absolutely in love with her. Without a doubt. But, even knowing that, I wasn't totally sure that I'd be able to do what Edward had done if I were in his situation. I wasn't sure whether I'd be able to never see my family and friends ever again, even if it meant being with Bella. And that made me feel horrible. She deserved someone who was willing to give her that. That assurance and devotion that I couldn't. She always thought that she and Edward weren't meant to be, but now I realized; they were. They were meant to be, even for eternity maybe. And now, they couldn't be, and I was just making it worse. _I _hadn't deserved Edward. _I _didn't deserve Bella. _I _didn't deserve Alice or Emmett or Rosalie or Carlisle or Esme! I didn't deserve any of them.

But somehow, I couldn't force myself to turn away, to leave, to go and let the people who belonged together be together without another outer party getting involved and screwing things up.

It reminded me of the forest, no matter how much it felt like it shunned me, how much it rejected me, no matter how much I felt as though I shouldn't be there… I was, and I wasn't going anywhere just because it felt like I didn't belong. I would make myself belong. One way or the other, it would happen, I would prove that I belonged.

From inside Bella's house I felt an immense amount of pain and conflict coming form her and just as I looked up I saw Jacob coming out of the front door and jump into his small, red rabbit—which I still wasn't sure how the hell he fit into—and drive away.

What the fuck had he done to Bella?!

* * *

**Well, that answers the questions of the mystery person, but leaves you with another, why was Bella so upset? What had Jacob done or said to have that effect on her. But hen again, what did Jacob always do?**

**Lol. I know how much I must piss you off with all the cliff hangers, but you know you love me for it. :P**

**Well, as I said last time, you'll just have to wait to find out the answer to this new round of questions in the next chapter.**

**I'm expecting reviews! **

**-Alarni. xx. Ilyy all.**


	10. The Nerve!

**Whoa, guys, it's been too long. Sorry about that.**

**Sorry that I haven't updates in like soooooooooooo long peeps, school stuff, the usual… assignments, homework… yada yada yada, etc etc and etc.**

**Anyways, I know that you've all been dying to know what's up with Bella and Jacob. Well, I know that one of my best friends has, she's been bugging me for ages! Love you Paula. xx. **

**So, without further a due, here's chapter 10. **

**Bella's POV**

"Jake?"

What the hell?! I knew that it was him in my house because of his voice, but still, after me leaving to go after Edward I never thought that I'd ever see him again. Yet, here he was, standing in my bedroom door way. Looking extremely pissed off about something.

Fuck.

"Jake, please, calm down, you need to calm down, Jake!" I _so_ did not want him bursting into a wolf in my bedroom with me so close.

I walked over to him and put my hands on the sides of his face to try and get him to stop shaking so violently. Thankfully, he did end up relaxing under my hands but the anger was still very present in his voice and eyes.

"What's wrong?" I immediately asked. This wasn't like Jacob at all.

"First of all, I have a few questions." He said, his voice was crisp and snapping. Why was he so angry? I mean, sure, I chose Edward over him, sure I'd gone off after Edward and nearly gotten killed in the process, and sure, when I'd got back I didn't come and tell him that I hadn't died, but… _oh._

"Okay then, go ahead." I said in a small voice. He was my bestfriend and I hadn't gone and told him that I was okay. He'd probably heard through Billy, or through his wolf pack. He should have heard it from me. Oh, God, I totally fucked up royally.

"Okay, actually there's something I want to _tell _you before I start." When I nodded he continued. "You see Bella, there's this new trend… it's called clothes," I looked down and my self and blushed a deep red. That's right, I hadn't put a shirt on yet, I'd been meaning to after Jasper had jumped out my window but Jake had burst in practically straight after. I dashed to my wardrobe and grabbed the first shirt I saw, while pulling it on I asked, "So what did you have to ask me, Jake?"

He exhaled loudly before saying "first, you choose him over me, even after he'd broken your heart and I'd been the one there for you. You also chose that little pixie-looking bloodsucker over me! Then you race off to the other side of the world without even a backwards glance. Then, you're too late and the idiot dies anyway." I flinched at that part, and my head snapped to the side as though he'd slapped me, but he barreled on anyway, although I knew that he'd seen the effects his words had on me. "And finally, the part that's just the cherry on top of everything else; when you get back, you didn't even bother calling me let alone coming to see me to let you know that you're okay and oh, I don't know, _alive!_"

So I'd been right after all. But who was he to think that he owned me? That he should be the first one I go running to when things get bad? Didn't he even consider the fact that I might have been grieving over the loss of the man I'd loved—for most of the time anyway? Didn't he think that I had other people who cared for me enough to look after to me and make sure I was alright? I didn't belong to him for fucks sake!

"You could have called _me_! You could have come up and seen _me_! You're just pissed because I chose _him _over _you_!" I yelled. "How dare you go off at me for trying to save someone I cared about? That's what you do for people you love, even if it puts you in danger you still do all you can to help them!"

His expression turned shocked. I'd practically spat that last part at him. God! No-one could make me love them like I loved Jake, and no-one could get me pissed off with them the way I got pissed off at him sometimes.

"Imodatella, idunitbeor." He mumbled.

"What?" I asked, that had made no sense what so ever.

"I said," he yelled, "I know that Bella, I've done it before!" And he was right; he had done it before, for me. He'd saved me when I'd jumped from the cliff, he'd swam out to save me even though the sea was rough and dangerous, just to make sure I survived.

Great! Now I felt guilty!

"And also," He continued, "I did call! I did come up! And yes, I am pissed off that you chose him over me, but that's not why I'm so pissed right _now._" He started shaking again and I instinctively backed up to the wall.

"Then why are you pissed now?" I could hear the fear in my own voice, but he was so far gone in his fury that he didn't seem to notice me cowering away. There was a glint in his eyes that was scaring me; a fierce, dangerous glint that made him look dangerous. And why not? He _was _dangerous, especially with me this close to him. He was right in front of me now, looking down at me with his dark eyes.

"Because, when I heard that the bloodsucker was dead, I thought, 'maybe, just maybe now she'll realize that she loves me too,' but then, I turn up here and there's that blonde leach standing out the front, and as I watch he climbs up to your bedroom window and goes in. I could only see your heads from the lawn, but that was all I needed to see, I only needed to see you kiss him to know that, once again, it would always be them over me." He was growling, deep in his chest. Not the way the Cullen's growled, the really sounding growls, this was just the human approximation of one, but the intent was there and clear.

I'd lost my bestfriend. For good this time.

A sadness washed over me and a few tears escaped out of the corner of my eyes. Jacob took one look at me and laughed harshly. "Look at you; what do you have to cry about? You have a new bloodsucker now to replace the last one. I'm sure that when this one eventually dies you can move on to that really big one, though I don't know how that blonde bitch will feel about that." His voice and the look on his face were both so harsh that it ignited my anger.

"Is that your subtle way of calling me a slut?!" I screamed. How dare he? He was acting like such an asshole. He was my bestfriend and he was calling me a slut. I'd told him that I only felt for him in a friend way, yet he wouldn't stop or try to hide his feelings. Now, I wished he would, and if not the ones that I'd wanted earlier than at least these ones!

"Oh, I'm sorry, you obviously don't like subtle. Well then here you go; you're a slut Bella, and the next time I see your face it will be too soon." He said it in such a casual voice that I took it like a blow to the gut.

"Get out," I whispered. He cocked his head to the side, as if he hadn't understood what I'd said.

"What was that?" He asked. The fucking self-righteous dick. If I hadn't known it would probably break my fist I would have punched him in the mouth.

"I said fucking GET OUT!" I screamed. When he didn't move I shoved him—not that it did a lot—and pushed passed him to my bedroom door. "Go, get out of my sight. I never want to see you again! _Go!_"

"Fine with me." He said and walked past me and down the stairs. Once I heard the front door shut I threw myself on my bed. I usually cried when I got angry and right at that moment I was fuming.

About a minute after I'd started sobbing I felt cool arms wrap around me and pull me close. I turned around and buried my face into Jasper's shoulder, staining his shirt with me tears.

**Well there you go, wasn't that just peachy. That was what Jacob was so pissed about, and don't ya reckon that the part at the end was so sweet. I love Jasper, don't you guys.**

**Well, don't worry peeps, I'll try and update again soon, I will never leave it as long as I did this time. Again, sorry about that.**

**Anyways, loves ya guys heaps. Keep reviewing too, I like long ones, so tell me what you think, if you like it, if you don't understand something, if you have any ideas. It's all welcome. **

**-Alarni. xx. ilyy**


	11. Does she know?

**Heyy guys. Told you that it wouldn't be as long as the last time, though, it must have been pretty close, aye? So, sorry about that. I know I say it every chapter, but I am sorry that it always takes so long to get the next chapter to you, but you see; I have stuff to do, a life to live, not that I don't love you guys sending me reviews saying, "Oh, my God! When are you going to update?! Dear God, hurry up!" it's very funny and inspirational, so keep it up :P. **

**So yes, I have been trying to get them to you sooner, and if it wasn't for one of my best friends Katrina, you guys probably wouldn't be getting this until about another month. Lol. Love you girl.**

**So, anyways, here's the next chapter, they're at school and things are going to be a bit awkward and weird and heated for our new and secretive lovers. Hope you enjoy it! **

**Bella's POV**

Last night I fell asleep in Jasper's arms, I'm kinda use to the ice cold embrace of vampires by now. I was completely happy; thinking nothing could ruin that night or the next day. Or any day that I spent with Jasper as a matter of fact. Then I woke up, found that accursed note, and I've been sitting here on the edge of my bed—still in my PJ's and with my hair looking like a haystack—staring at it for about thirty minutes now. It was only two short sentences, pretty ordinary, nothing special or to horrible about it—for any other person that is. But for me, it totally destroyed my good mood and planted a frown on my face.

I looked down at the note and read the dreaded message again; _see you at school. Love you. X._

Right, school. I'd missed out on so much, first with the whole zombie stage, then the lets-fly-to-Italy-to-save-Edward-and-get-there-to-late, then the week off school where I was suppose to be grieving and instead I was fooling around with my best friends boyfriend. Or is that husband? I'd never asked. But the whole marriage thought just made it worse so I assumed they weren't.

And the cherry on top of the cake was that the whole student body new Jasper and Alice as the couple. I mean, they had been together since their first day at the school, they'd come as a couple. The school was use to them together; their family was use to them together. The student body had just been getting use to the idea of me being with Edward, then he left along with the whole family and I became zombie Bella, who was only brought back because of Jacob—who I've had a massive fight with and I don't know whether we'll make up or not—and I'm going to have to put up with Mike and the others, while trying not to think about the fact that to Alice, his family and basically everyone else; Jasper is with Alice and always will be. But to me… well, I don't even know what's going on with us. I mean, if anything was, Alice would have seen it, right?

I looked at the clock and decided I might as well just get the day over with. I grabbed my toiletry bag and walked into the bathroom to have a shower.

**Emmett's POV  
**"Come on Rose! It's only the first day of school, you don't need to look like you're going to a fashion parade!" I called through the wood of the bathroom door. I just didn't see what the big deal was; sure we'd been away for, what, a few months, six at the tops. And sure, we were going back to a school that never really accepted us anyway, and…WAIT! WHY WERE WE GOING BACK?! I thought that Jasper, Rose and me had graduated!!!! What the hell?!

"Rose, we're finished with this school! Why are we going back anyway?!" I yelled. I was so confused, and I hated that school, it was so boring. All the teachers ever do is prattle on about nothing and hope that the students do something so that they can yell at them for amusement! Can you say waste of time?!

Rose stuck her head out of the bathroom, glaring at me. What had I done this time? She said, in a very flat tone, "I'm going to see if I can get them to open up another course at the school. A fashion course, I'm going to see if they'll take me as a teacher—I have the degree already. Then when Alice graduates she can help me teach it! That way we get to stay here a little longer. I don't want to move in another year! And I especially don't want to go back to college." And with that, she ducked back into the bathroom to finish getting ready. Leaving me, totally shell shocked, standing absolutely still in the bedroom, not even breathing. Why would she want to be at school day in, day out when she could be at home with me?! It didn't make sense!

"But why do I have to go then?!" I wined, and I heard Rose exhale theatrically, not even bothering with an answer. "And why Jasper?! Rosie, help me out here, I'm so confused!"

Rose threw open the door and stomped up to me, purposely making a noise when she walked and got right up in my face. "Because," she yelled, "I think that you sometimes need all the educating you can get. As for Jasper, he's going back for another year. Don't ask me why, he wouldn't tell me, he just is!"

She looked so angry and so hot in that moment that I couldn't help but push her that much further. "What an idiot." I said bluntly. She through up her arms in exasperation and started to turn away when I grabbed her by the waist and kissed her, hard, on the mouth. When I pulled back she still looked angry, but I could see her giving into temptation… in other words, me.

I leaned in close and whispered in her ear, "you know, you look so hot when you're angry like this."

With a shrug she gave up and kissed me again, channeling her anger and turning it into passion. My hands gripped her around the waist tighter, pulling her harder against me as I thought indifferently, _who cares if we're a bit late? _

**Bella's POV  
**_Okay Bella, don't hyperventilate, it's just school! It doesn't matter that Jasper's going to be there again, it'll be exactly the same as the last time he was! _I yelled to myself, for some reason I was suddenly very nervous.

Jasper had told me last night that he was going to come back to school. When I'd asked why, he'd simply shrugged and said that it was because he wanted to be with me as much as possible. I had been selfish and not told him that he didn't have to do that, 'cause I really did want him there, even if we couldn't be together.

But sitting here in my truck, I couldn't help but remember the pained expression that he'd always worn at the school, because of all the blood. I was going to put him through all that agony again! I was horrible.

Oh well, nothing I could do about it now.

I decided to just go with it. Whatever _it _was.

I jumped out of the truck and started walking towards the school. I was nearly out of the lot when I recognized Emmett's massive jeep pulling in. _what the hell is he doing here?_

When I saw Jasper and Alice jump out it made much more sense. No way would Emmett come back to school willingly. It'd take at least one well thought out threat from Rose.

Alice saw me and bounded over, and I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face at how she seemed to actually be excited about school.

She reached me and gave me a near bone-crushing hug. I'd barely seen the little pixie all week. I hadn't realized until now how much I'd missed her. Jasper came over and joined us and gave me a beaming smile over Alice's head.

"Hi," I mouthed back. So maybe today wouldn't be so bad after all. I felt a wave of happiness wash over me and I knew that it wasn't natural. I shouldn't, couldn't, feel that happy right now, not when it was Alice with her arms wrapped around me. I longed for another pair of arms.

"Jazz, cut it out." I said, my voice dripping with disapproval. He smiled so innocently I almost felt silly for accusing him of doing anything.

"Whatever do you mean, Bella?" he asked sweetly. Another wave, stronger than the last, of happiness crashed onto me, nearly sending me to the ground. I clutched onto Alice—who had ended up slipping an arm around my waist—to stay standing. Unsurprisingly, a giggle slipped through my lips. I felt high.

"Jasper, I have enough trouble staying vertical as it is. I don't need you doing that." I was laughing by the end of the sentence, but I managed to keep control over the volume and kept it to a low chuckle.

"I have no idea what you're talking about Bella." I could hear the smile in his voice as I lowered my eyes to the ground as I walked. I would not trip. He was playing innocent, but the happiness level did drop considerably and I was able to look up.

Alice was giving me and Jasper and odd look, but she shrugged it off quickly and skipped ahead of us, the blood-red flare top she was wearing with black jeans that set off the paleness of her skin spinning around her with each movement.

"Time to get to class," Alice chirped, mere seconds before the bell. Jasper's eyes widened a fraction as he looked at the small, dark haired girl. I could see the tension in his shoulders through the tight emerald green polo shirt he was wearing. Something was wrong, that much was obvious. The real question, was what?

Seconds later I had my answer. "You can see again?" he asked, voice low and slightly breathy. What did he mean, _again_?

"Yeah," Alice replied immediately, then seemed to think about the question and backtracked. "Well, kinda. I can see snaps, pieces. It's not much, but it's more." She caught sight of my confused expression and said, "My vision is mucking up, I can barely see anything." She said. The words were harmless; no-one would know what she was talking about.

_That explains so much, _I thought, _no wonder she hasn't caught onto me and jasper._

By this time we were the only ones in the hall. I was going to be late for English. I didn't care. "What have you seen so far? Have you been trying?" suddenly, I didn't want to know the answer, what if she did know? Would she say something? Confront us? I had no clue.

She just swayed back and forth like nothing was wrong and all was good and peaceful in the world. An act?

"Oh, you know," she said, "just this and that." She turned in the direction of her class and called back over her shoulder, "some interesting stuff."

I turned and looked over at Jasper, and if he could have paled, I was betting that he would have. He was totally still, I wasn't even sure if he was breathing. God I hoped that no-one walked out of class at that moment. It would have looked extremely weird.

"Do you thin she knows?" I asked before I could stop myself. I was asking a lot of regrettable questions today, and it wasn't even lunch yet!

Jasper turned and looked at me, his honey eyes filled with to many emotions to count. They bored into mine, and again, I felt as though he could see my soul. "I don't know," he said, "I simply don't know."

I didn't like that answer. Jasper could feel her emotions, and he still didn't know what she'd seen.

This was bad.

**Look, guys, I know it's horrible, boring and short, and the next one will be coming real soon! Just bare with me, okay?  
I thought you guys would be getting aggravated, so I'm giving you a little chapter, but it's better than nothing, aye?**

**Hope it wasn't that bad, tell me what you think.**

**-Alarni. xx. ilyy**


	12. How do you feel?

**Heyy guys. Whoa, this was quick, agreed?  
No waiting for about a month or anything this time.  
It's a miracle, I know.  
So, who am I to hold back the work of… well not God, I don't believe in him. Let's just say the work of me. Yeah, that fits. :P  
On with the story!!! **

**Bella's POV  
**Well, English was a drag, as well as the rest of my classes before lunch. The teachers droned on and on, Mike and Eric were as persistent as ever—I got Tyler to stop by threatening him—and then lunch was a total bust with Jasper and I on edge with the fact that Alice could know everything that was going on between us. Oh, did I mention the looks we were getting from everyone? I felt like standing up and screaming, "yes, the Cullen's are back! Yes, Jasper is back at the school! No, Edward is not here because he's dead! Now all of you, just fucking stop staring and whispering!" but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Mainly because I knew that it would only bring on more watchers.

I felt like an attraction at a zoo.

What was worse, was that all of lunch I barely got to speak to Jasper, he was either being monopolized by Alice or, well, being monopolized by Alice. I tried as hard as I could not to look at him all lunch, and to my surprise it worked… most of the time. I'd glance up occasionally and lock eyes with him. Then one of us would always be brought back to reality by someone else. It was horrible. I liked fantasy better!

As soon as the bell had rung I'd dashed off, leaving a stunned Alice and a confused Jasper in my wake. And now here I am; standing in the hallway well after everyone has gone to class, trying not to hyperventilate and figure this whole thing out.

I wasn't getting anywhere. I decided that Mr. Varner was already going to give me a hard time for being late, so I might as well get it over with and not give him any more reasons to yell at me.

I detached myself from the wall, grabbed my waterproof jacket off the floor and started in the direction of my science class room.

I was halfway there when I was suddenly yanked from my left into an empty classroom. Well, almost empty. Standing beside me, very close beside me, his arm still around my waist, was Jasper in all his blonde haired, gold eyed glory. I instantly felt better.

"What are you doing?" I hissed furiously at him—knowing he'd see straight through it—and cast a quick look around. All clear. Just me, Jasper and the furniture. It was a dizzying thought.

I looked up into Jasper's smirking face and knew he was feeling my emotions. Stupid empath vampire. "I'm serious," I said as he began to chuckle. "I'm already really late for science and if you keep me any longer Mr. Var—"

I was cut off as his lips crashed down onto mine, capturing them and making it impossible to speak. Not that I minded in the least.

His lips travelled down to my neck, to the spot just below my ear, where he whispered, "I didn't get to speak to you all lunch, or all day for that fact. I think I'm entitled to this." His lips found mine again, and there was a new eagerness to his touch that made me respond immediately.

When we finally came up for air I asked a question that had been playing on my mind all morning. "Jasper," my voice was breathy and quiet, but I knew he could hear me. "How can you stand the smell of blood now? You never use to be able to be alone in the same room as me, and now… this. What change?"

He pulled back to look at my face, his arms still around my waist, and said, "practice. While I was away. And now that I'm here and I feel the way I do towards you I can't even bare the thought of harming you. My very being shies away from it." His eyes were solemn and careful, as if he didn't know how I would take this information.

Finally, I said, "and how do you feel? Towards me I mean?" I had to know. There was doubt in my mind, and a small voice screaming at me, telling me that I shouldn't have asked and gone and ruined everything. But it wasn't ruined until he said so.

It was in that instant that I realized how much faith and love I had in Jasper. Not just to hold me and care for me and to never hurt me, but to keep me together and strong and, well, alive really. He was stopping me from crumbling to the ground and staying there. And I knew, even if I did crumble, that he would always be there to pick me back up and make sure that I didn't stay down.

That was the difference between him and Edward. Jasper would be the one to pick me up, but with Edward; it had always seemed that he was the one that would make me crumble in the first place. That would send me down.

Edward would always be a love of mine, he always would, but Jasper was my true love. My other half. My soul mate.

Jasper lowered his face until he was looking straight into my eyes. The gold in his seemed to felt and move and glitter. It was beautiful. He was beautiful.

It wasn't fair.

As he looked into my eyes and me into his, we shared one of those moments; you know, the moments that seem to stretch out forever, the ones where there are no secrets between you and you can tell exactly what the other person is thinking just in that one look. Yeah, we shared that look.

He parted his perfect, full lips and said, "Bella, I—"

The classroom door rattled as someone banged their fist on it and tried to turn the handle, but it was locked. Good Jasper, thinking ahead.

"Hello?" yelled a voice I would know anywhere. I cringed. Why did it have to be her? Why did she have to be the one who interrupted this perfect moment?! "Hello?! Ms. Coulton? Are you in there? I need to hand in my assignment! Open up!"

I looked up and Jasper and sighed. It looked like we were going to have to finish this conversation later. The annoying voice at the door continued to yell and wine for someone to answer her. I wanted to slap her.

I've always hated Lauren.

**And now I'm sure you guys will too. I mean, now that she's interrupted that perfect moment. A moment that could have led to something! Oh damn her!  
Tehe, yes I am evil. Yes I do love you guys. Yes, I know that you're probably all sick of my cliffhangers, but there they are, all the time.**

**Love you all. X.**

**-Alarni. xx. Ilyy**


	13. Fucking BITCH!

**That's right, I'm back people!!! Aren't you all so glad?!  
I know you are; you can't lie to me. :P  
Well, here is chapter 13. Hope you like it. Don't you all just hate Lauren with a passion? Fucking slut. LOL!  
Love ya's, hope ya enjoy it.**

**Bella's POV  
**As the ignorant little slut continued to bash on the door and whine about how if she didn't hand in her assignment she would fail, I smoothed down my hair paced the room. We weren't getting out of here without Lauren seeing us, and if she did, either we'd land our asses in a bucket load of trouble, or the whole fucking school would know that we were in a classroom, alone, together. She would make up lies to spread around—which would probably be truer than she could ever imagine, but still—and then we would have no hope against Alice. Shit.

I looked frantically over at Jasper—who was just sitting there!—to see if he had any master plans. He looked up at me with an innocent smile and started inspecting his nails while I freaked. He was no help!

Maybe she would just give up and go away. Yeah, that sounded excellent. Why couldn't she ever do what anyone else ever wanted her to do?! Fucking bitch. I have no idea when she started to hate me, or when I started to hate her. She'd seemed to have it in for me from day one, in fact, the first time I'd ever heard he speak it was her bitching about me sitting with Edward!

Whatever, I was just going to deal with it.

I walked over to Jasper and leant in to whisper in his ear, "you're no help," before I ran over to the door and unlocked it and yanked it open.

The shocked expression on the bitches face was comical. She was either shocked to see me instead of the teacher, or shocked that she'd actually been answered. Whatever it was, it didn't last long, it was soon replaced by an expression dominated by suspicion and disgust.

"Bella," she sneered, "what are you doing in there? You're supposed to be in biology." God, I hated her voice, it was all nasally and high pitch. Did I mention how much it tempted me to punch her?

In an instant Jasper was by my side, conspicuously wrapping his hand around my balled up fist. I would have done it, he knows that. Stupid empath.

"What are _you _doing in here?" Lauren asked with narrowed eyes. Yep, she suspected something. I had a sudden image of Jasper bashing Lauren over the head with one of those big-ass rulers the teachers use, knocking her out cold and stuffing her into the janitor's closet. I laughed out loud and received a curious look from Jasper and a furious one from Lauren. "What's so funny?" she spat. Where were these girls' manors?

"Oh, I'm sorry Lauren; I didn't realize I wasn't allowed to laugh in your presence. What, afraid of people doing it in case what they're actually laughing at that really bad nose job of yours... or lack of one?" I was being a bitch, but I had a perfectly good reason, okay? Just give me a second to think one up.

Okay, I don't have one, I just don't like her. There, works for me.

"Whatever Bella. What were you two doing in the classroom all alone anyway?" shit, that was the question I hadn't wanted her to ask.

Jasper answered her before I had a chance. "Lauren, may I ask what's wrong with two friends being alone in the same room?" always the gentleman Jasper. He so didn't fit into this scene right now.

"Yeah Lauren, I mean, you and Jessica are alone in the same room all the time, and only half the school suspects that anything is going on. The rest of us mind our own business. Why can't you do the same?" That was actually true, I hear things, and half the school actual suspects that Lauren and Jessica are actually, secretly, together. Hell, I suspect it.

Lauren gaped at me, unable to find words. I had no idea what anyone could say back to that, but she seemed determined to find something. Whether it was lame or not. I decided not to give her the chance.

"Lauren, please, just go and put your assignment on the teachers' desk and walk out of here before you say something else that will only embarrass yourself further." I gave her my best _sweet-and-innocent _look; sweet smile, wide eyes. Nothing to see here folks, just to pals having a nice, friendly chat. _Pfft. _

A now red Lauren stalked past us and threw her papers down on the desk before coming back to stand in front of us once more. She glared at each of us in turn before spitting, "don't think that the whole entire school won't know about your little get together in the classroom by tomorrow. And if I accidently say that I saw something happen, well, that's not my problem." She gave both a flash of her sick, sinister smile before, now satisfied by her threat, turning on her heal and calling, "Have a nice day Bella, Jasper."

As soon as she had turned the corner and was out of site I spun around to face a worried looking Jasper and asked stupidly, "what do we do?!"

He looked down at me, looking like a deer caught in headlights, and shook his head, whispering, "I don't know, but we can't let Alice find out!"

**Sooo… I know that it's very short, but it was the best that I could do on short notice, I had so many people screaming at me.  
I will update again soon, don't worry, you'll get to see how they try to handle the situation.  
Also, in the upcoming chapters there will be shocks; events come to pass, people will be lost, and secrets will come out.  
Isn't that a teaser, aye?! Lol.  
Love you all. Keep reading, it's just getting good.**

**-Alarni. xx. Ilyy**


	14. Uncovered secrets

**Heyy guys. Yeah, I know that this story is probably getting a bit boring at the moment, and that it's not exactly moving anywhere. What do you say that we change that aye?  
In this chapter; secrets will be discovered.**

**Bella's POV  
**The rest of the day moved by pretty quickly if not more dull. The classes seemed to blur together and flash by. Maybe it was just because my thoughts were off somewhere else, flashing through all the scenarios of what would happen if Alice found out about me and Jasper.

Before I knew it I was in gym and holding a racket. I managed to hit the ball a few times that lesson, but I was not rid of my clumsiness that easily and with my mind off somewhere else completely, I also managed to give a pretty brunette a not so pretty black eye.

Finally my escape came as the bell rang and I raced to the changing rooms and got into my own clothes and bolted out of the gym and to the parking lot. As I came into view of mine and Alice's cars I stopped dead. As I watched, Jasper leant down and gave Alice a chaste but sweet kiss on the lips before turning and leaning up against my car. Alice spun quickly and jumped in her own car and sped out of the lot, leaving Jasper by himself. What the fuck?

I walked slowly and cautiously towards Jasper and my old truck. Hearing my approaching footsteps he looked up and smiled at me, the love in his eyes automatically making me smile back. But hadn't I just seen him kissing Alice? And why had she left him here at school. I know that he could probably run back to his house and be there in minutes, and she hadn't looked angry, so by the time I reached Jasper I was majorly confused.

He came over to me and draped his arm over my shoulder, leaning down to whisper in my ear. "If I hadn't given her a goodbye kiss she would have been suspicious. Remember, we want to be the ones to tell her face to face, not for her to find out any other way."

Oh, well that made sense. But, wait a second!

"Why didn't you go with her?" when he didn't answer me I looked up so that I could see his face. He had an almost hurt expression. I quickly realized how my words could have been taken and back paddled. "No, no, no, what I mean is, what excuse did you give her so that you could be with me?"

"Oh," he said, quickly becoming his cheery self once more. "I told her that I had to do an assignment on a state of my choice for my geography class, and decided to choose Arizona considering I've never been there. And since you should know all about that place, I told her that I was gonna spend that afternoon with you so that I could get some information and a head start on the task."

Whoa, I'd have never come up with something like that. I'm guessing the ability to lie so flawlessly comes with the whole 'being a vampire' thing. Shame.

"Nice lie." I commented.

He chuckled, pulling me in for a hug. "What makes you think it was a lie?"

"What? Gah! That means that I'll be doing the assignment as well then! That sucks!" I yelled, making the few remaining people in the parking lot turn and give me strange looks. Great! That's just what I wanted.

I sighed and fished my keys out of my bag before unlocking my truck and jumping in. Jasper joined me and we took off toward my house. The ride was quiet, but it was a comfortable silence, neither of us really feeling the need to fill it with chatter.

We soon reached my house and went up to my bedroom to do the assignment. As we walked into my bedroom and sat on the bed, my mind flashed back on the last time we'd been on this bed together and how great that had been. This time would be no where near as fun.

~*~*~*~*~

Some time later, when the sun was falling below the trees and darkness was creeping up to my window, I turned to Jasper. We had been silent for the last hour working on the assignment and also our separate homework for school, but now it was time for us to talk. We had some things that needed to be sorted out desperately. Like the situation with Alice, the way we feel about each other, where this … whatever it was we had going on was leading. We needed to figure this whole mess out.

Feeling my gaze and my intense emotions, Jasper turned his honey-gold eyes to mine, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Jazz," I said quietly, "we need to talk."

**Alice's POV  
**"Come on, come on, come on!" I shouted at myself. "Come on, just one vision! Anything!"

This couldn't be happening! I needed my vision, without it, I wasn't me! I had no idea what had gone wrong, they had just stopped, I couldn't even predict what the fucking weather was going to be like tomorrow—even though in Forks there was very few possibilities—but that wasn't the point!

"Please," I muttered to no-one in particular, "just give me one, I don't care what it is, I just want a vision."

I concentrated, willing myself to see things that hadn't happened yet. I usually didn't have to try this hard, just wanting to see something was enough to set it off, but this time, just like I've been doing for days now, I had to push my boundaries hard.

Only difference was, this time it worked.

_Jasper and Bella were in Bella's room—Bella sitting down and Jasper pacing the tight space—while they talked worriedly about something._

"_Jazz," Bella said in a soothing voice. "We have to tell her, her vision will come back eventually and she'll find out, or one of us will slip and accidently tell her. Or worse yet, she finds out off someone else!"_

_Jasper stopped pacing and crouched down in front of Bella, putting his hands on her knees in a comforting gesture. "Bella, darlin', I know. My only question is; how? How are we supposed to tell her that her husband and her best friend are in love with each other? It would destroy her."_

_Bella hung her head and muttered, "I don't know. I don't want to hurt her!"_

_Jasper put his finger under her chin and lifted her head so that she would meet his eyes. "Don't worry sweetheart, we'll figure this out somehow." _

_And with that, he bent forward and kissed her softly, yet very passionately, on the lips._

The vision ended and I was back sitting on the couch in the lounge room, suddenly very thankful that the family was off hunting and patrolling the area.

Why did the vision have to be of _that_?!


	15. I loved Him Enough To Let Him Go

**Heyy, I know that you guys must hate me for all the cliff-hangers that I give you, but you have to admit that it keeps you coming back for more.  
And… I'm gonna do it to you again, only this time, it's going to be very sad… I'm hoping. :P  
Hope you all like it.**

**Alice's POV  
**I looked back on all my memories of him. From the very first vision of him, to that last, chaste kiss in the parking lot. All the smiles, the laughs, happy times and even the sad. I would always love him.

I knew that I had to go. I thought I'd been made whole when I found Jasper, but I realize now that I've lost a apart of myself over the years. I could see that if I stayed I'd still get more happy times with smiles and laughter, but I'd be missing out on the most precious part of those moments; the love in Jasper's eyes. It'd still be there, but it wouldn't be the right type of love, not the love that I've held so dear for so long. It would be different. It just wouldn't be right.

I knew that it would hurt him, and the others, if I left, but sometimes you have to hurt the ones you love. I had to go and find myself, discover who I really was. I would start with my past and work my way forwards. It would be hard and painful to be away from them, but I had to do it. I had to move on. And so did they.

When you loved someone as much as I loved Jasper, you had to put them first. Give them their happiness.

Jasper deserved to be happy, and so did Bella. I knew that they loved each other, but I didn't resent them for it. I knew that they hated that they were going to hurt me, and I felt better with that knowledge. So, I was going to make it easier for them.

I would miss everyone dearly, but Jasper and Bella truly did deserve to be happy… with each other.

I loved them both enough to give them their happiness.

I loved _him _enough to let him go.

I grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and wrote a note for the whole family. I couldn't handle saying goodbye face to face.

As I folded the note and placed it on the table with the words, '_I'll never forget you_', written on the front, I grabbed my keys to my car and walked out the front door, shaking with the tears that would never come.

I slid into my car, feeling the soft seats, the smooth steering wheel, the hard dash board that I would know anywhere, but at the moment… it felt foreign and unreal. Everything did.

I started the engine, and as I made my way up the serpentine road, catching one last glimpse of the magnificent white house that was once my home, but now felt like a distant dream, I sighed and muttered, "I love you enough to let you go." Not knowing who, or what, I was talking about anymore.

**Bella's POV  
**Jasper and I got out of the car and started walking towards the Cullen house, hoping that the others were out hunting and we could catch Alice alone. I was going over in my head all the different ways she would take the news, when Jasper suddenly stiffened at my side.

I looked up at him in confusion. He wasn't getting cold feet now was he? I couldn't do this alone; I couldn't face her without him there. "What?" I asked, my voice just a tad shaky.

He looked down at me with a sad expression and said, "we're already too late."

I just stood there, feeling confused and a bit panicky. Oh God, what did he mean?

Jasper took my hand and pulled me inside, and as we entered I realized exactly what he was talking about.

I looked around at all the vampires gathered in the dining room; Esme with Carlisle sitting down at the table, Rosalie leaning on Emmett near the wall, only something was wrong. As my mind slowly took in the details of the figures before me, I saw something that I hadn't wanted to ever see one their faces again after what happened in the airport. Grief and sorrow and the tears we all knew would be there if it were possible.

I walked away from Jasper and over to Esme, the one in worse shape out of all of them, and gently touched her shoulder. She turned her face away from Carlisle's shoulder and looked up at me with eyes so filled with sadness I thought for a second that I would never see her smile again.

"Esme," I said slowly and soothingly, "what happened? What's wrong?"

In response to my questions she simply held up a piece of paper for me to read. As I took it and started to read, tears welled up in my eyes and dropped onto the paper, making some of the freshly written ink run down the page.

As I finished it Jasper came over and took it from me, placing it on the table, not even bothering to read it.

I turned to him and buried my face into his chest, staining his shirt and just shaking my head when he would ask if I was okay or what the note was about.

Not being able to stand in the same room as all of them when this whole situation was clearly _my _fault, I turned and dashed up the stairs, running to Jasper's room and throwing myself on the bed.

"Oh God," I sobbed, "this is entirely fault."

**Yep, ya hate me right?  
Thought so. Lol.  
Well, there it is, hope you all liked it. I know I enjoyed writing it.  
In the next chapter, everything will be revealed. And not all will be too happy about it. Until then, love you all, and try out my new fanfic, **_**Get Tangled Up In Me. **_**  
-Alarni. xx. Ilyy.**


	16. It's all my fault!

**Heyy dudes! God, it has been sooooooooooooooooo long!!! So, so sorry about that.  
Well, anyway, onward with the much anticipated 16****th**** chapter.  
You know, I bet you guys totally forgot all about this story aye?  
Oi, you guys need to check out my other story, 'Get Tangled Up In Me'. I've been kinda preoccupied with it. But don't worry; I'll put in more of an effort to update both within reasonable time.  
Anyway, enough of my ranting, here's chapter 16!!!**

**Previously  
**_"Esme," I said slowly and soothingly, "what happened? What's wrong?"_

_In response to my questions she simply held up a piece of paper for me to read. As I took it and started to read, tears welled up in my eyes and dropped onto the paper, making some of the freshly written ink run down the page._

_As I finished it Jasper came over and took it from me, placing it on the table, not even bothering to read it._

_I turned to him and buried my face into his chest, staining his shirt and just shaking my head when he would ask if I was okay or what the note was about._

_Not being able to stand in the same room as all of them when this whole situation was clearly my fault, I turned and dashed up the stairs, running to Jasper's room and throwing myself on the bed._

"_Oh God," I sobbed, "this is entirely fault."_

**Jasper's POV  
**After Bella ran up the stairs and—from the sound of it—into my bedroom, I reached down and picked up the note I'd taken from her earlier. The note that had my whole family and the girl I loved in devastation.

I wasn't quite sure if I wanted to read it or not, but I needed to know what was going on. Even though I feared I already knew.

I looked down at the piece of paper in my hand and read it quickly.

It said;

_Dear Everyone,  
before I begin, I just want you to all know that I love you all dearly, you will always be on my mind and in my heart and I will never forget you.  
I'm sorry, so very sorry, and I know I'm going to hurt you all by doing this, but I'm leaving. I don't know for how long, and I don't know where I'm going. Please don't try and come after me. You won't ever find me. Not unless I want you to. And at the moment, I can't let that happen.  
I have things that I need to finish, things that I can't do while I'm with all of you.  
We'll see each other again someday, but for now, I want you to all be happy and go on with your lives. Please, for me, don't wallow in sadness.  
And finally, Jasper and Bella, I want you two to be happy and be there for each other. It's what's meant to be.  
I love you all. Don't ever doubt that.  
Goodbye. X_

Oh, God.

I let the paper fall to the ground. I looked up, barely able to meet the gazes of my family, their eyes filled with sorrow and pity. I didn't deserve their feelings. I didn't deserve to have them there, all feeling sorry for me, when I was the main reason this had happened. The main reason they're all in pain right now.

In fact, come to think of it; the only other time I'd seen them like this, was at the airport, after we found out what happened to Edward. That was my fault too, overall. If I hadn't attacked Bella, he wouldn't have left, she wouldn't have become depressed and needed to befriend Jacob, she wouldn't have jumped off that cliff and Edward wouldn't have gone and gotten himself killed thinking Bella was dead. And now I've caused this loving, caring bunch of people to loose yet another of the people they love from my stupid, irresponsible actions.

I don't regret being with Bella. I don't regret what we have become. But I do regret the way we went about it. I should have talked to Alice—_we_ should have—and explained it all in the beginning. Right now, anything, even Alice hating me, would be better than this situation.

But we can't erase the past, no matter how hard we try.

It's the truth. The horrible, painful truth.

From upstairs I heard Bella muttering to herself, repeating the four words over and over again, and I realized with a pang of selfishness, that I was not in this alone, and that I still had Bella to look after. Not doubt she'd be taking this worse then us all.

Before I could even make a move towards the stairs though, Esme was up with a curious, nervous look on her saddened face, and running up the stairs, on her way to comfort the girl I loved.

On her way to do what I should have been doing from the start.

**Bella's POV  
**"It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault."

I repeated my mantra over and over again, whilst rocking back and forth, holding the pillow that I was staining with my tears in a death grip against my chest. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop the waves of guilt that washed over me, nor could I stop the steady flow of tears running down my cheeks. The more I tried, the harder they fell.

"It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault."

If I hadn't fallen for Jasper, this never would have happened. Hadn't I caused this family enough grief? Was it my destiny to ruin the perfect existence they had going before I showed up? If so, I'd rather die than complete my destiny. I was sick of bringing heartache and tragedy wherever I went. Edward. Jacob. Alice. Jasper. All the Cullens. Even my father and mother! None of them deserved any of it, yet there I go, bringing it crashing down on them.

"It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all—"

I was interrupted by a cold hand on my hair. At first I thought it was Jasper, here to try and comfort me, but when I looked up and took in the soft caramel curls and heart-shaped face of Esme, I was shocked… and relieved. Seeing Jasper right now would just make me cry harder. Then I'd never be able to apologize.

"Sweetheart," Esme said softly, still in mother-mode even in the midst of all her pain, "it's okay honey. It's going to be okay."

I wailed out another sob and clutched at her—forgetting my pillow—burying my face in the crook of her neck.

"No it's not Esme," I whispered out between my tears, "this is all my fault! What is wrong with me?!"

Esme pulled me back so that she could look at me, and I realized for the first time that the whole family—what was left of it—was gathered in the doorway, Jasper looking like he very much wanted to rush to my side, but held back, knowing there would be time, and he would be there when I truly needed him.

He looked directly into my eyes, and a whole conversation happened between us in the space of a few seconds, and without any words needed.

We both knew what had to be done.

It was time for the family to know the truth.

"How?" Esme asked softly, bringing my attention back to her.

When I looked at her in confusion, she repeated the question, only adding more so I'd understand in my shocked state.

"How is it all your fault darling?"

Hearing my own words repeated for me made the never ending tears fall harder, but I knew I had to tell her. I knew I had to say it.

"Because," I gasped as my body shook with sobs, "I'm in love with Jasper."


End file.
